Category: Posts

I have not been writing as I should.  I let life put me on hold for a very long time.  I feel like I have lost 2 years of my life by not writing.  I got in a funk, got depressed, dug a hole and climbed in for a while.  Not a good thing.  Writing is important to me.   I am able to re-live experiences when I write them down and go back and read.  It can be fun, sad and funny.   It’s not that I enjoy living in the past, it’s just the opposite actually.  I am glad however that I have some of the past documented even if I missed a few years here and there.  It’s a discipline.  Lord knows I need discipline.   I am not sure what will come but something will, so hang on… I am Back!

Today I was watching the Today show, as I do most mornings.  Let me preface, I am also dieting, (again)! Today show announces, that now there is gonna be a warning label on coffee… what? It’s overwhelming! My belief is that all people are different and their bodies react differently to everything, literally.  The problem with this online and TV information overload. I would say that if researched enough, I could make an argument that anything considered bad for you could also be found as good for you by another’s discovery. Kinda makes the information found on the internet laughable and worthless. You must know your own body.
Figure yourself out, test different foods. It’s the only way to discover the truth.  Otherwise you will be on the never-ending treadmill, that will NOT help you in the weight control, but rather just make you frustrated.

Went to a new church group last night. There was an interesting analogy thrown out there about the importance of creating your own personal relationship about God. Think about when you go to buy something on Amazon and you are not sure. There are so many reviews, so you read through them and try to make a decision to buy or not buy. Similar to when someone tells you about  Jesus. They tell their personal experience and beliefs and you decide you try it yourself or not. Once you buy, or choose to follow Jesus then and then only can you make an intelligent decision. Only when it becomes a personal relationship can you totally understand.

I found that a quite interesting comparison and really dead on. Developing a personal relationship takes time and effort and much prayer. The great thing about God is he is everything. God to you is different than he is to your best friend. That is what makes God, God. That’s why saying he is like a father is not a good thing to people who had a horrible father. They can not comprehend. (Read “The Shack”). That book describes why and how this notion is so very well.

Most of my prayers consist of Jesus please get me out of this mess that I have created. Deliver me from my ailments, my bad relationships, my bad decisions, my plain ole bad luck. However, lately and ironically over the Thanksgiving holidays I am reminded and somewhat more aware of my blessings.

It’s easy to forget to thank God for the days when you actually feel good. It’s hard to believe that some of the little things we notice aren’t just coincidence, but the work of God.  We rarely contemplate how blessed you are to have your dysfunctional  family or to give thanks to the annoying parents who actually gave you life. We forget to thank God for the wonderful brand new day. The day we see as simply beautiful, when there is nothing simple about how that sun rises like clockwork every day. The new day is something we can count on. We should be amazed at it’s wonder. We forget that in that new day to give thanks for the many opportunities. We forget to bless your friends or grown children that constantly put up with your crap time and time again. We forget to give thanks for that toddler that is throwing the tantrum and remember, God allowed us that child and the opportunity to raise them.  It’s sometimes hard to just pause for a few minutes and reflect on all the good things especially during a crisis. Count your blessings.  It’s frustrating when you do stop even for a moment to give thanks or just let your mind rest and the dang phone beeps or all the things you have to do or problems you are facing just jump in and take over.

So today, consider saying, thank you so much Lord, for all the many blessings you have given me. There are so many I can not count, so many that I sometimes forget. Help me not to let my troubles overshadow my blessings, for my blessings are many but my troubles are few! Help me to focus on the good today and always!

Keep on praying!

I just ran across this poem.  I had to memorize it in 1st grade and have never forgotten it…

Block City

What are you able to build with your blocks?

Castles and palaces, temples and docks.

Rain may keep raining, and others go roam,

But I can be happy and building at home.

Let the sofa be mountains, the carpet be sea,

There I’ll establish a city for me:

A kirk and a mill and a palace beside,

And a harbour as well where my vessels may ride.

Great is the palace with pillar and wall,

A sort of a tower on the top of it all,

And steps coming down in an orderly way

To where my toy vessels lie safe in the bay.

This one is sailing and that one is moored:

Hark to the song of the sailors aboard!

And see, on the steps of my palace, the kings

Coming and going with presents and things!

Yet as I saw it, I see it again,

The kirk and the palace, the ships and the men,

And as long as I live and where’er I may be,

I’ll always remember my town by the sea.

“It’s not just a list … it’s a lifeline. Lists can be used to track tasks, settle arguments, inspire action, record memories and much more.”

LISTS ARE EVERYWHERE. I am a avid list maker. Lists can be long, like when we are trying to justify something we want (Pros) or they can be really really short on the contrary (Cons). Lists can be demanding and controlling (The Ten Commandments), or intriguing and educational (The wonders of the World), and list can even be annoying (The foods I can’t eat on my diet).

A list can be fun and frivolous. You remember, the list you jotted down in your notebook in 7th grade of the boys you were going to marry. Lists can be dry and serious, like my “wunderlist” of all my internet passwords hidden in my iPhone. Lists can be a daunting task, like listing who gets what’s left of the kingdom, in your will. (Well, back to the short list here).

List don’t cost you a penny but can be worth millions, just in that little peace of mind it may lend you on occasion.

Mostly, I make lists to remember. It’s true. You do it too, we bullet-point, type, highlight, cross off, and file away lists that have served as motivators, organizers, tear-jerkers, and reminders, just to name a few. Reminders of not just what we need to accomplish or what we’ve done but most importantly… Who we are.

I use some lists as motivators. Like writing down everything I eat when I am dieting, so I can pat myself on the back for sticking to the plan … or crumpling it up when I fail and starting again. I use lists every single day for tasks of all kinds that need attention. I draw a box in front of each task in my list, so I can check it off when completed. I get such a great feeling from that tiny check mark, that I admit, I have done something I forgot to put on my list and added it after the fact, just to put the check in the box. I have tried the phone apps – there is nothing like good old hand written list in a spiral notebook. I keep lists of books I want to read, movies I want to see, and people I need to thank, (that’s a never ending list). I have lists of places I want to travel, art projects I want to work on, letters I need to write (yes I actually hand write those as well), grocery lists, errand lists, Financial lists like my budget. I list things I need to do around the house. I love lists. See, look, I just made you a list of my lists.

A journal in itself is a list. Journaling is a passion of mine. Documentation of events in life over a course of time. It is typically dated and time stamped. I make these entries (Lists) to release pain, forget and forgive things, document adventures, mistakes and the exciting times of my life. This is my most powerful list. I feel neglectful when I don’t document things. This list is a lifeline and does the most good for me in my life. If and when I take a look back … whatever I run across from my past is magical whether it was a good or bad time. I can pat myself on the back for not being where I was or for forgiving a wrong doing by myself or someone else, or just be proud of myself for taking life by the horns and living. This is a list just for me and me alone.

You should try journaling, as well. Most importantly if we use good spiritual lists for living and follow that demanding and controlling list in which we are all familiar (The 10 commandments), and If we attempt to live the life God gave us and we are happy with ourselves in all we do, then all our lists will be worth reading. This takes time. I’m not there yet!

However, what is written within between those lines, in those listsI call my journals, are exactly why I am WHERE I am, and why I am WHO I am… So I encourage you all to WRITE ON vigorously and with all you have.

Tomorrow I will end one chapter in life and start a new.  It has taken a while to get my foot out of the concrete but it is finally been released.  I am officially leaving Jackson, MS  behind and moving myself and what little stuff I have left, to Ocean Springs, MS.   It’s not far I know, but it’s way different… in a good way.  Oh, I have been in and out of Jackson for several years now, always returning with my foot stuck and not wanting to let go.  I am not really sure why at this point.  It’s a big world out there, so much to see and do, and I plan on taking advantage of as much of that as I can.   For me, Jackson was a great place to raise kids without a doubt.  It’s a great place to live for a lot of people, just not for me.  Each time I would return, it would seem more and more like “ground hog day”, the same people in the same places at the same times.  I am sure a lot had to do with the places I was choosing to hang out, or maybe is was just my compelling desire to do something different.  To be different.

Be different, I have.  I ran away several years back and ended up in Little Harbour, Bahamas (another long story).  That has been the best thing that has happened to me since the birth of my children.  It has been an amazing adventure to which I should address in a book (maybe one day… first I have to learn to write).  It has become home to me.  In the following, I think 4 years now, I have been bouncing back to Jackson, afraid to let go.  I think I was afraid to release the “known” and move into the unknown.  I have family and friends in Jackson.  Friends is a term I have used lightly and easily in the past.  It’s funny how as you begin to move on with your life, those “friends” don’t seem to move with you.  Then of course there are some that will be with for you forever.  The thing I didn’t realize is, making new friends is easy if you have that desire.  You still have the memories  with the old friends (another book I intend to write, “Single and Fifty, You Can’t Make This Crap Up”.  You know who you are!)  It’s has been important to not get disappointed.   Friendship that tends to fade is of no fault of them or you.  It is just life.  You know the ole adage “for a reason”, “for a season”.  Still hard sometimes!

Anyway, back to my original point.  I am packing up a truck tomorrow and leaving a house that we have owned for almost 30 years.  There are memories in that house that will be there forever.  I met my best friend, Sandi thru the fence of that back yard.  (Meeting her in a few for breakfast).   Our lives have separated us, but I know I could walk back to her if I needed anything, she would be there.  I have visions of Tara Chez (now 30) and Julie (next door friend) playing in the mud in the back yard.  The yard was about to be sodded, so it was pure mud.  They had mud on every inch of their bodies.  Was hell to get them clean, I knew that going in, but the cutest thing you have ever seen.   Tara Chez was (and still is) the boss, period.  She was and is in charge I can rest assured.  She was quite the actor as well.  I will never forget the day Memaw was baby sitting.  I think Tara Chez was 5.  Meems “lost” her sunshades (aka foaklies she thought were real).  In a panic she searched the house high and low while Tara Chez watched in delight, knowing the entire time that she had hidden them in the garbage can.  She fessed up eventually.  Not long after that, my Dad “Pappy” took her and Katie to daycare.  When they arrived (at the right place)… Tara Chez told my Dad that they didn’t go to that daycare anymore.  He actually drove off and she was directing him to somewhere/anywhere but daycare, until he realized what she was doing.  Always in charge.  I have memories of Katie (27) throwing tantrums.  She pitched a fit over what she wanted to wear or just about anything for that matter.   We ended up reversing the lock on her door so she would stay in there to throw her tantrums and we didn’t have to watch.  Ok, turn me in.   Found Katie one day at 4 years old with Ashley (another neighbor)  walking the streets pulling a red wagon in high heels and a leopard dress, with a purse on her arm. Young little street walker.  Geeze that girl was/is strong so willed.  My mom bought Katie a little motorized 4 wheeler that she road around Walmart and didn’t want to get off of.  It was given to her at Christmas.  The child refused to get on it because everyone wanted her to… she NEVER road that thing.  We eventually gave it away.  Then of course, the prince of the kingdom, Devin(23).  His bedroom was the first one you’d come to when walking down the hall. That of course would be the first place a robber would look when they intruded.  So, he was like a yoyo every night.  Into our bedroom he’d come.  I could hear the pitter patter of those feet.  I would try to fake sleeping but feel him standing right by the bed staring at me.   I couldn’t handle it, up he’d come and we would hold each other and no one would get either of us.  Then, back to bed Scott would march him.  He slept in the top bunk.  If you went in there in the morning you would have thought he was kidnapped because all you would see is stuffed animals up on the top bunk and the bottom would be empty.  Oh he was up there.  He just blended in with all those stuffed animals, sight unseen.  Convinced the robber could never find him.  This vinyl siding house has only one 4 ft square of brick in the front.  Devin would spend hours at 5 years old hitting a tennis ball agains that wall.  That is when he proclaimed he was going to be a tennis pro, in which he succeeded.

The excitement about my new place has been building and  I have needed to do this for some time.  I’ve been so excited that I really didn’t think I would have any emotions when walking away from this house.  However , this house WAS at one point, a HOME!  I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, I do!  However, things change whether planned or not, life happens.  You have choices in this world.  I am choosing to move on and make new memories taking with me the past ones.   I am continuing to grow and learn as I make life a journey.  You only get this one chance!

To my kids:  The house you grew up in is just that!  You have grown up.  The memories will always be around from your childhood home, however that’s all that remains.  If you don’t journal, START!  Your memory will fade, it’s fun to look back at those memories… write them down.  Remember only the good.  As you make your new memories, pay attention to the sunrise and the sunset, it’s God’s gift to you everyday and its a guarantee.  There will be a brand new day.  Don’t do it if it’s not fun, and if it’s something you have to do… make your mind up to have fun doing it.  Things do happen for a reason, sometimes that reason is because you make stupid decisions.  Write that down too and move on.

Remember mostly that your home is where your heart is.  Always thought that was kinda goobie but it is in fact so true.  Life has never has been about the dwelling or the stuff.  It’s all about relationships.  Some you will choose to hang on to and some you will cast aside and move away from.  Choose wisely.  Just know that every time we see each other, where ever and when ever it may be…  that my children is home to me!

xxxooo (to the nth degree)