I am a note taker and journaler. When something comes to me, whether special, concerning, or a memory good or bad for that matter, I love to physically write it down, most often in cursive. I take notes (and doodle) in church and in meetings or seminars. Doodling Art is how I listen. One Sunday, feeling greatly moved, I wrote an apology letter to my church (which I didn’t send). I believe it was a feeling of guilt and selfishness that brought me to tears and this realization. So I responded on paper of course (I knew that was safe):
Dear Church (or was it God)… I come to your services (not enough by the way) and sit up in the balcony. I come with the wrong spirit, honestly. I come with a selfish spirit always demanding to get something out of it. I am looking, searching, and scanning the crowd. I know no one personally, so I create this false sense of feeling unwanted and unloved. If the music isn’t great, I’m disappointed. Music is life, if you ask me. It moves me. If my Pastor isn’t speaking, I’m disappointed. Then there is it, while sitting there I feel this tug telling me to do something, do anything, start somewhere. However, typically, the service ends and I walk away. Before I even get home the feeling goes away. I have been a let down to you, for all of which I apologize. Then I vow to “myself” to do something about it. (to “myself” because I don’t want to be held accountable – what a coward)
Funny thing, that’s not me. Sometimes I feel like I have disappeared. Did I lose myself somewhere along the way? God gave me several gifts, (we all have them). My gift of gab happens to be one of them. I have no problem talking to people, whether they like it or not. I could so easily walk up to a stranger at a table and introduce myself. All of a sudden, we become best friends. I have the ability to make people smile regardless of their mood. Making people smile gives me a huge rush. Is that selfish, too! So blaming the church for not knowing anyone, not feeling wanted or loved … give me a break. How selfish can I be. Have I lost my mojo?
Then this morning I woke up with a memory. I was sitting at Pete’s Pub in the Bahamas (yes it’s a bar). Sitting beside me was a guy I had known for several years. I knew he and his wife were Sunday School teachers back in Florida. We had conversations about religion in the past. This time he surprised me. Out of the blue, he says, “Christians are so hypocritical and pretentious. I don’t want any part of it any more. I’m done.” I immediately said, “Wait, I’m a Christian” , and I stopped there. Feeling a bit offended, I wanted to say “But look at me, look at me”. But out of fear and uncertainty in myself, thought better of it. (reference paragraph one).
However, we did launch into what became basically the following discussion. “Wait aren’t you judging a group of people?” (The entire basis of the conversation). Generalizing truly angers me. “Christians are just naive”, “That’s just a Man for ya”, even judging groups that mean to be groups, “Anyone that could be a democrat is an idiot.” – As much as I hate generalizing, there are times when I am just as guilty as the next guy. Then I think, making those kinds of comments aren’t smart. Those comments kind of under mind God in a way. Comments like “Christians are so hypocritical”. Isn’t the basis of that comment your buddy Joe’s decisions? Joe, the self proclaimed Christian, sitting next to you? He’s talking about church when you know for a fact he is having an affair. Yes, he shared that, too! Reality check, it is “Joe” people, NOT “Christians” as a group. The media doesn’t help. We see things “in the name of God”, that shock us all. We even get caught up sometimes and begin questioning things. So you can rest assured that the non-christians obtains just that much more ammunition.
Another weapon for the non-christian to generalize is the “Holier than thou Christian”. This person walks around with this air. The head is held high and they are ready to pounce. Within a minute of you sharing something about your life, you are told that hell is your final destination. “If continue on the track you are on and you will see”. Maybe that is being judgemental however I know for a fact it’s a complete turn-off the generalizing group of people. Face it, no one wants to be told what they can and can’t do. Guess what “holier than thou guy”, My sin is no greater than yours is it?
Claiming Christianity does not makes us sin free. Nor does it give us some heavenly knowledge to judge the next guy. It does give us peace, in understanding that we are forgiven for the past sins. Christianity doesn’t give us the justification to sin. How convenient would that be. If knowing all we have to do is ask and we will be forgiven. Wouldn’t that be justification? We sin enough as it is just living from day to day. Furthermore, Christianity does not provide us automatic understanding of how others should live their lives. It is a guide and path upon which we should follow. A guide on how we should act, not how we expect others to behave. Our choice is between us and God. Guess what, the other guy has a choice, too.
The gift of forgiveness is a gift for which I am mainly thankful. I truly do NOT hold grudges. There are times I get run over because of this gift. Run over me today and I will still be there tomorrow if you need me. A lot of times I can also forget (that’s a biggy). I can’t imagine not being able to forgive. I have enough issues in my day to day life as it is. If I could have one prayer answered today, I would ask God to give every person the gift of forgiveness. Wouldn’t it be nice try if we all put generalizing aside and replaced it with understanding, forgiveness and friendship. Instead we condemn, like we actually have that right.
Guess what, the person next to you at the office, in line at the coffee shop, your child’s teacher, or your child, for that matter, does not (as much as you would like it), understand or think like you. God created us all so different. We are different every way. Every cell of our being is our own. We are created by God for God. We all have brains and choices. This is major. I learned this lesson from a conversation with my 10 year old son, some years back. I love sunrises and sunsets. I am in awe each and every time and at everyone. They are so majestic, so unique. I can’t understand how anyone can believe there is no God. Here’s your sign …every morning and night, shouting, “Look at me and believe”. We were heading home from tennis practice. There was an amazing sunset over the Ross Barnett Reservoir. I said to my son, “Look at that, isn’t the sky beautiful and amazing”. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “Mom, what if I don’t see the same thing you see.” WHOA! I was dumbfounded. Seriously, how true a statement. This lesson from my 10 year old has helped me in so many ways throughout the years. Seeing people as different helps me to be less judgmental. It helps me to realize that I don’t walk in your shoes and you will never walk in mine. “Each to his own understanding”, right!
So simple when you think about it! We are all just human aren’t we. “Can’t we all just get along?” Well, I can’t control you or the world. Frankly, who would want that responsibility. I can control me and really need to do that more often. The gift of choice, God gave that one to all of us.